The Joys of Driving

Because the neighborhood apartment cabana is being remodeled, we have been holding our neighborhood homework club at a local church.  I wasn’t very happy when this first developed.  Everything about it smelled like extra work.

One of the downsides was that we would have to shuttle our neighborhood kids back and forth.  And one of the blessings that I never saw coming… we would have to shuttle our neighborhood kids back and forth!  Haha!  I’m always stunned at how God takes something I perceive as bad, and uses it to be the very thing that creates new opportunities.

What made shuttling the kids back and forth such a joy were the conversations. To and from club, these kids have the freedom to just share what’s on their minds and they often ask nonstop questions.  These talks have led to deeper relationships and talking about meatier things than even in our teaching times, when discussion is more structured. 

Today, I was once again surprised when the situation I dreaded ended up as a blessing.

Shane and Benjamin were back at it.  The minute we drove up to the church’s homework club, they took off.  I tracked them down, hearing giggling and shushing in the bathroom. We had recently attended camp where the boys should probably have been sent home but much grace was extended to them.  I felt today needed to be a day where boundaries were enforced. “Hey guys, you have 2 minutes to come out and participate respectfully or else you will be choosing to go home.”  I waited outside the bathroom for the 2 minute deadline.  No response. 

After sending a male leader in to bring them out, the boys had a million excuses about why they should not be sent home.  Today, I knew we needed to follow through on the consequences set before them, loving but firm discipline.  “Do you want me to drive you home or would you prefer if I call your parents to come pick you up?”

I was sure this 10 minute drive home was going to be horrific. I expected swearing, arguments, I even had run the scenario through my head of what I would do if one of them jumped out during the drive. 

The boys got in calmly.  We drove by a radar speed sign. “Miss Annie, you are going 33 mph.  The speed limit on this road is 30 mph.”

“Have you ever been in jail, Miss Annie?  I don’t want to go to jail… I remember when my dad went to jail.  We were all crying.  Even my brothers were crying.”

“Yeah.  I remember when my dad went to jail too… I don’t want to do drugs.  That stuff just gets you in trouble.”

“Yeah.  My mom’s in treatment.  She would have graduated the other day except she slept through her graduation.  Now she’s got to start all over.  I forgot to wake her up.”

The boys talked and talked without a break for me to respond, sharing their experiences and hurts and desires.  Things I guessed about but never really knew.  Finally there was a place to talk about self-control and using my fast driving as an example, we talked about the good things that can happen when you obey rules instead of breaking them and the difference it can make in your life when you learn these lessons as kids. 

As we pulled up I wanted to leave them with something positive, “Boys, thank you so much for being so respectful to me on the way home.  I appreciated how you used your self-control during a hard situation.  You never even called me a bad name.” 

They looked at me incredulously, “Miss Annie, we would never do that!” 

Who knew driving kids to a different location would open so many opportunities?  Hmmm… it looks like God did!

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 ⁵ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 

Until Every Boy and Girl Knows Him,

Annie Crain

*Names always changed.

Going to Camp Part 2: The Boys

Let me start by saying, I wasn’t surprised. 

I knew it was going to be risky sending my neighborhood homework club boys to camp.  I knew 3 of the 5 would be amazing and 2 of the 5 boys, well, it would be miraculous if we didn’t have to send them home early.  One of these boys isn’t even allowed to be in a regular classroom at school.  Why did I ever think he could make it 2 nights at camp? 

I warned the camp leadership team and asked their approval to bring my neighborhood kids, who would be mixing with mostly church kids.  The leadership said they wanted them especially since I would be around to help deal with issues.

A couple of weeks before camp, wildcard #1, Benjamin asked, “Miss Annie, can Shane not be in the same cabin as me? I want to make good choices at camp.  I’m maturing.  Can we be separated?”  I was proud of him for even thinking it, but I knew they would have to be together and would actually need each other to feel comfortable in this setting.  But his comments gave me the idea to write up a contract laying out my expectations.  Each parent could review it with their child.  I didn’t want kids or parents to be caught off guard if we needed to send someone home early. 

The contract read in part, “I will show my maturity at camp by striving to follow the 4 R’s:  Respect Others, Respect God, Respect Property, Respect Myself… Not following the 4 R’s will result in consequences; this could mean coming home early.  Following the 4 R’s will result in new friends, a lot of fun and a great experience for you and others!  (I KNOW YOU CAN DO GREAT!)”

I really struggled with that last sentence.  I wanted so much to give them a positive encouragement that I believed they could. I wanted so much for them to be successful and make it from the beginning to the end of camp!  But inside, I knew this would be a stretch, for everyone!

Three of the most experienced male leaders, who really had a heart for the unreached neighborhood kids, said they were up for the challenge.  But I knew, these weren’t the kind of kids this volunteer staff normally hung out with; it would be a 48 hour test of their manhood, even with an awesome high-school leader added.

The first test came like a lightning storm.  We weren’t at camp two hours when I got the first complaint, “We really don’t want to send them home but… we’ve already had serious issues with the boys… called the children’s director a horrible name… running off… pushing…”  The list went on.

Nothing surprised me.  Their overwhelmed parents let them run freely in the neighborhood.  They hang out with older tough boys and hear and participate in things they shouldn’t.  Trouble is what they see in the mirror. 

I had a heart to heart, “Miss Annie, I am telling the truth.  I wouldn’t lie to you. Maybe everyone else, but not you...  You mean that is a bad word?  I didn’t know that. Yes, I will apologize…  Don’t send me home, Miss Annie!”

I would have sent them home the first day, but this group of men continually fought for these boys.  Just as one leader would reach his breaking point, the other 2 would talk him out of it: “These boys need to be here more than anyone else.”  “Where are they ever going to hear this if they can’t stay here?” “This could change their lives.” “Camp changed my life when I was a kid.”

It’s not surprising that the camp theme was on God’s armor and spiritual warfare.  I expected to get a call during the night, but we made it to the second day.  Restless during the night, I determined, “It’s really not fair to these leaders or kids. I need to intervene and just take them home.”

I went to talk to their leader about my plan, “How are you doing?”

“Standing firm! This morning as I was praying for these boys, our Ephesians verse jumped off the page at me.  ‘Stand Firm!’  That’s what I’m going to do!”

How could I argue with that?

As the three-day-weekend went on, we were able to take a few steps to make the weekend more successful.  Neither of the boys read nor wrote at expected grade-level.  Once we gave them permission not to keep up with “fill-in-the-blank” during teaching time, they seemed to settle in and listen more. 

The music leaders encouraged kids to come to the front and help lead motions or dance during worship time.  My kids loved that!  Even during the slow contemplative songs they appeared worshipful.  In fact one of them was singing a worship song when he walked into the girls’ bathroom. 

Yes, the girls’ bathroom!  I knew they were going home then.  I had the youth leader who reported it show me exactly what she saw so I would know what to tell their parents.  When we went in to reenact the crime, we found 5 more little church boys in the bathroom.  Whew! Saved by group incrimination.

Neither of these boys has their biological dad living with them. What a gift they received seeing real men who love God, who played with them, who held them accountable to boundaries, who worshipped with them, taught them about Jesus, fought for them, and played with them some more.  Things God’s men do!

The following week one of their leaders recounted, “I really think there is a lot of hope for those boys.  Thank you for bringing them.  I think they really got a lot out of camp.  I saw their tender side. The last day I looked over and saw Shane writing, ‘I love God!  I love Jesus!’ in huge letters across his booklet! God was at work.”

The boys made it through camp!  Well, maybe I am a little surprised… and grateful!

Until Every Boy and Girl Knows Jesus,

-Annie Crain

*Names of kids always changed.